dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
