help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
