WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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