he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
