this beer tastes like vomit already
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
