As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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