you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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