I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
