Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
