Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize