I could make wine with my vomit
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
