so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
