well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
