Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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