Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
