She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
