Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
