The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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