He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
