Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
