I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
