We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got inside last night via doggy door
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
