my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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