you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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