Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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