I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
