I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
