She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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