I accidentally burped into my bong.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
