well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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