I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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