is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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