Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
