She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
