I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there was a trapeze. enough said
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
