Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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