I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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