I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
