Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
50% drunk capacity currently
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize