That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My feet surprised me
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