There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
