so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
