I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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