everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
