I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
