dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
...so i touched it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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