It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
where are my eyebrows?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
