I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
