Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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