I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
