i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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