I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
