i may or may not be watching the land before time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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