dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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