bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
