i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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