I smell stomach acid.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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