my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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