I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
