He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
