I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
