Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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