I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
