I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
