I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And then he peed in my hair
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