no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
