Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
