Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
