No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
