White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
