I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
