There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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