I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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