Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize