my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
