i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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