i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
