im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
