her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
