the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
