I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I could fuck to npr.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
