Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
