I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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