I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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